I hate editing...

I've gone back and forth so much with this blog lately - writing and editing and finally, deleting.

I'm really confused about my life circumstances at the moment.

And you know what? Fuck it. I'm OVER IT!

Blossoms Blooming...

Things have been really good lately! I love my job - because I can get away with working 26-37 hours a week; Daou got hired on full time where he works (benefits finally!); Spring is in the air and with it flowers.

DJ Daou

Damon is back to DJing and set up his tables in the house to work on some mixes. I'm loving having the music around, plus seeing him from this angle... is kind of sexy. His eyes light up, he's confident, he does this little hand motion and bops around. I like seeing him happy. He has a gig on February 23rd in Portland and this time I get to go (last time I wasn't invited.. but we won't go there, it's in de past mon')

So - some photos of DJ Daou in the process of spinning...

I told Damon today that I felt like things were getting to be back to normal... I can't believe that I feel that way! The last 6 months have been a roller coaster and I am so glad to be off!

I've been working on costumes for my daughters play (which has two dates this week and three next week) and after that.... nothing. I plan on starting a new knitting project - I have no idea though, but something just for ME! I haven't allowed myself to work on anything fun until I finished the costumes.

So... the other place I've been posting is Buzznet - you two readers know that already. I feel sort of alienated over there. I think I insulted someone there... and now nobody seems to be talking to me. I feel like it's too much drama and I think I'll just post pics here instead for a while.

xoxo
Luna

Ghosts

Things have been a bit better. I'm not going to hold my breath... but things are potentially looking up, thanks to my sister.

Damon and I are working very hard at rebuilding trust. It's been a long hard journey, and I know it's not over yet, but I think we're going to make it.

I haven't made new year's resolutions this year. Not really. Just to take better care of myself.

To my two readers, I love you guys. Happy New Year.
xoxo
Luna

Take Me to Your Leader!

Baths

...I take baths almost nightly - I get so cold here in the Pacific Northwest. Hot, hot baths, remind me of being back in the womb. There I feel at peace, safe - safe to cry, safe to break down. I'm trying not to think bad thoughts, but invariably they come out. I make the mistake of not taking my pills just two days in a row, as they affect my libido. Unfortunately, by day 1 1/2 Damon is so sick of me that he goes to bed early to avoid any sexual contact. No surprise. I retire to the bathroom in tears, only to catch the reflection of the razor blade in the water. I feel like.. if I don't get help soon, I will be dead within a year or two. I told Damon as much last night - and he told me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Um. Is it just me, or does he completely lack compassion? Don't get me wrong, I am an intelligent woman... I could figure out how to help myself, but in this state I am feeling a need for support. Lots of it. You would think the person I am supposed to marry would be the one to give it. Apparently not.

How I would do it... in the bath tub. I could just take all those pills and fall asleep - warm, embraced, finally at peace.